Good Morning World!
Happy Sunday!! I'm happy to be writing you all this morning, I know I've been slacking off a bit so this is a good time for me to set some time aside before I start my day and write to you!
Last time I really posted I had mentioned that I was slowly trying to take myself off my anxiety medicine. I wish I could say that I was still off of it; however, I do still need it and have just been trying to take it once a day or as needed (situational, as I'll discuss.) This seems to work best for me for the time being.
I wish I could stand here and be the strong person that can say, "Hey! I've been able to overcome my anxiety and myself, I don't need to take my medicine anymore!" Although there are situations that I feel like I've helped myself to overcome, at the same time I do still have to work through some more issues still. I believe that I have made great progress in working through a major part of my anxiety, and that was the overcoming myself. I focus less on worrying about my competency amongst others, I feel that I no longer doubt myself in what I believe I am able to achieve as an individual, and I feel as though I have been able to be more at peace with who I am and where I am in my life.
As I've said many times before, it is all about baby steps. Going from taking my anxiety medicine three times a day to only once a day is really a big step in itself. I know that for one, you are not suppose to go cold turkey on your medicine, which I have done once before when my prescription ran out, and where did it land me? Yup, the ER. This is where I am still battling my anxiety, I almost feel as if I have a heightened sense of pain perception. Does anybody else ever feel this way? This is the part of my anxiety that I am working hard to overcome because I believe it is a main source of it. My aches and pains seem to be so frequent and I have the strangest symptoms, some that I can actually see, such as my swollen, stiff fingers after a run or in the mornings, and some that I feel but cannot see such as the feeling of losing my sense of proprioception while running, the sharp prickling pain in my leg that would hurt just to place it down on a chair, or the feeling of not being able to open my mouth (heavy/locked jaw type of feeling.) There's many more health related problems I feel, and of course they tend to set me off into a spiral of anxiety, and that is when my medicine is essential. Although it REALLY sucks that I am a hypochondriac and believe I have one health problem after another, it does make me realize how much I love and value my life. I wouldn't be so concerned about that thought that I have some disease or illness that will end my life short or limit my functioning if I wasn't aware of that fact that I am blessed with such a great life and future that I have planned for myself.
I must have jinxed myself after writing about the importance of getting an adequate amount of sleep each night because since doing so, my bed time turned into about 2:30 or 3:00 am every night and having to wake up at 7:30 or 8:00 am to start my day. That has been a big pain in my butt, I need to get back on track with my sleep schedule pronto...especially with all my finals coming up. During times of heavy course work (midterms/finals) along with managing outside priorities, I usually tend to see that my anxiety gets crazy on me. This only strengthens my argument that sleep is a main contributor to maintaining homeostasis [DUH, Kristin!!] Since I have been busy with school and work, I've also stopped working out and reading 'Mind Gym' as much. Two huge influences in helping me to keep my head in the right spot. Working out everyday again needs to be reestablished ASAP and returning to reading my book will resume after finals are over: PRIORITIES!
I do not believe that continuing to work through my anxiety is a problem; I have been able to open up and hopefully relate to and help all of you through blogging, I've been able to meet and interact with really great and insightful individuals, and on a personal level it has allowed me to work on the parts of my life that I believe need improvement. By examining the influences in my life that allow my anxiety to start to become out of hand, such as lacking sleep, exercising less, adding too many priorities to a specific time frame, and worrying about things that are beyond my control, I am able to acknowledge these negatives and turn them into positives.
Making a positive change to your life, no matter how big or small, is still a positive step in the right direction. You have acknowledged and accepted that things that you need to work on and that is a very important step. Everything takes time, don't expect that today's problems will be gone tomorrow. As your problems 'grow' smaller, you will grow stronger as an individual. The pride you feel by your accomplishing your goals is one of the best feelings, do not sell yourself short and quit before you achieve the success you wish to see. Remember, nothing worth having ever came easy.
Tomorrow is the day I meet with the psychiatrist, I'm anxious to see what he/she has to say, but I'm not quite sure I want to start any new medicines (if needed) during finals week, notttt the best idea! I'll be sure to keep you all posted on my appointment!
Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day!
With Much Gratitude---
KC<3
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